Flute or Oboe?

March 10, 2020

Blog 4: Flute or Oboe?

or

A dilemma which turned out to be a musical allegory for the love of the art of music making

Two people who played Claude Bolling's first 3 movements 

I just spent most of this Monday of my spring break thinking about whether or not I should get an Alto flute or a Bass flute. I had browsed for hours through numerous videos demonstrating the merits of either but couldn't find a single piece of music that I could be obsessed over. These two instruments aren't exactly practical instruments and seem to fit only in the niches of a flute choir or musical orchestra pit role well. I was thinking about incorporating either of them to my church playing but figured that I'd just really wanna play thick bass notes on these lower harmony flutes, which may not be helpful for the overall sound and would only be a niche pick for all of the music I get that's written in the lowest octave for the regular C flute, which I absolutely adore and have spent most of my time practicing on to make loud, thick, and warm (but still gets drowned out by the choir singing as well as the piano/organ playing). But the more I researched, the more I realized I was merely trying to find reasons to convince myself to go for it and buy a harmony flute without ever really having my heart fully set on it.

I still love my main flute and obsessively practice the unaccompanied Sonata in A minor by C.P.E. Bach: a piece I'm lucky to have to attempt to play but never feel like I deserve to perform with pristine perfection. I've also put off learning double tonguing for Bali Moods by Anne Boyd that my previous flute teacher suggested I play to top off the DipABRSM recital repertoire; mainly because it's frustrating to practice it– perhaps my mind races to play faster but my tongue can't keep up (grrr)! I last took an ABRSM exam (grade 8) in my junior year of high school, 6 years ago. The diploma ABRSM (dipABRSM) is a huge step up: 30 minute repertoire, a viva voce analysis of pieces performed as well as sight reading games. It's quite superficial to get it for the prestige; flute is a serious hobby, after all. However, the inner gamer in me loves to take challenges for the achievement. I think this helps keep me on track. Although I did recently befriend a pianist at my church, who wanted to collaborate on some music together– we ended up deciding on a couple of movements from the Claude Bolling Suite. No complaints even though I played it before (funnily enough, she also played it before in college as well); it's another piece of beauty and obsession for me to toil over in practice (plus, nostalgia! see photo above).

That point aside, I stopped researching on the harmony flute purchase not because of this realization of things to do with the main flute but that I fell enamored again with the oboe. Maybe my flute teacher would call it cheating, but I can't help but feel drawn to the oboe, and it all started with a youtube autoplay of the 2nd movement of Camille Saint Saëns' Sonata for Oboe and Piano in D major. Despite the oboe being quite possibly one of the worst instruments to learn alongside the flute, I didn't seem to care. What I love about both the flute and oboe are the slow, sensuous melodies that only a woodwind could deliver with the utmost passion (for the flute, another piece I need to learn for the dipABRSM is the very beautiful french Sonata for Flute and Piano by Poulenc). But in all honesty, in most cases the Oboe takes the cake for this category that I'm a sucker for. The low notes for the oboe are rich and loud and makes up for the lack of penetration the flute has with the low notes when playing against an ensemble. What made me get an oboe anyway was none other than the notorious theme: "Gabriel's Oboe". I was at a music festival for British international schools in Beijing and auditioned for the solo with my flute. I practiced so much but wasn't given the part (and neither did student get it, actually; there were no oboists this year). Instead, the community oboe musician was tapped to play for us was given the solo. The directors explained to me that while I played lovely, my flute in the low octave just could not express what the oboe as an instrument itself could. Instrument discrimination, I know, but they did have a point; that piece was made for the oboe, as much as the addition of a mash up of Gabriel's oboe with the vocal version of it (Nella Fantasia) would argue against it. This was how my flute playing kind of tapered off in high school, in favor of trying to catch my oboe playing up.

Snippet of the only photo I have of my oboe on facebook

When I got to college, I auditioned for chamber music ensembles with both the oboe and the flute. I only got the oboe part as I was the only oboe player but wasn't given any flute parts because there were many flutes signing up anyway. This went on for two years, and this was the time that I started falling out of love with the oboe. It became frustrating for me to learn the embouchure and produce a beautiful tone like that of my teacher's. This teacher also told me not to play flute in fear of messing up the embouchure (go figure). I was finally fed up after a poor end of semester performance, where I thought either my reed gave up on me or I gave up on it, that I told the director that I wouldn't be coming back to play oboe and should only be considered for flute. I then met Amy, my awesome flute teacher! I got to rediscover and rekindle my love for the flute through her and my study of Hypnosis by Ian Clarke, which I only ever dreamed of being able to play with such depth (in the low notes, of course!). I didn't really think about my oboe at this point, because of the large gains I was making taking lessons for the flute. Fast forward to where I am now, here in Washington D.C.; casually playing flute for weekly mass as a music minister and very slowly working on my dipABRSM pieces, while working on the exercises my flute teacher gave me to help refine my tone.

 Performing Hypnosis by Ian Clarke!

But upon hearing that F sharp that starts the 2nd movement of the Saint-Saëns Oboe sonata, I fell in love all over again; tempted once more to indulge in practice for an instrument that frustratingly has so many variables contributing to its sound. Nevertheless, its voice beckons me further. Choose me, she calls. But isn't the oboe bad for me? Won't it ruin my flute embouchure and technique, i.e. the good things going for me in terms of reaping rewards from practice? It's a dilemma. If only these two instruments didn't oppose each other so much (like, for example, playing the organ versus playing the piano. Kind of different but transferrable skills; or even my bass and flute playing– different enough not to contradict!). The F# fingering for the oboe is the exact same as the F natural fingering for the flute. Double reed versus aerophone. Horizontal versus traverse playing. The list goes on.

Can I do both? Of course I can. Should I? I'm not sure. All I know is that I love the flute and the oboe for similar and different reasons. The rewards from being committed in working at my flute incrementally and the long history I had; it was my musical first love. Then there's the thrill of the chase with the oboe: wanting to capture her and embody her essence yet with so. much. resistance! I realize the dilemma becomes a more complicated paradox because this isn't merely some either/or. I can't simply just choose one over the other. If I choose the oboe, like I did in my first two years of college, then I'd get frustrated that I sound like a beginner. I'd be constantly thinking about how I can play all of these parts I get for the oboe on my flute. If I chose the flute, I'd always be thinking about those slow passages (especially on the lower octaves) and how it would sound so much better on the oboe. This problem is amplified especially with the fact that I'm playing off a general C instrument book for mass. There are written out descants that clearly favor the flute (high ledger line 2nd-3rd octave parts) and other ones that are definitively better for the oboe (mid to lower octave). It'd be great if I could just switch these out instead of compromise with one.

Let's not even get started with this one

All of this kind of resembles the overarching "story" of Kierkegaard's Either/Or: a 2 volume work with a pseudonymous "author" in each volume, who both write about their philosophy of life: that of the Aesthete or the Moralist. Here, the oboe could represent the aesthetic; the Flute, the moralist. It doesn't quite fit but they are similar enough in that this problem and that of Either/Or's is that of a contradiction in two equally acceptable lifestyle choices. Even though Kierkegaard's work doesn't sort itself out exactly, a solution which he himself accepts is found elsewhere in his works where he puts his name as the author– that lifestyle is that of the "Religious". In the "religious" life, the Kierkegaardian knight of faith would "teleologically suspend the ethical", or in other words, ditch the ethically sound reasoning and take a leap of faith into the unknown. In this Kierkegaardian story, this leap of faith is for God.

Okay maybe not the Bassoon or French horn

Taking this insight, I think that I have to take a leap of faith myself into the unknown, suspending the paradox of these two alluring instruments. It should be okay to explore all kinds of options from Main flute/ secondary oboe/tertiary bass to Main oboe/secondary bass/ tertiary flute or everything between or everywhere beyond. Heck, maybe I'll actually learn the Shakuhachi I bought in Japan or learn a brass instrument (okay maybe not that crazy). Both my journeys in the practice of flute and oboe have been wonderful experiences in my music life and I'm ever so thankful for all the hours practicing for the minutes spent performing. But such restrictions now have led me up against a brick wall, trapping myself in this Either/Or approach to music playing. Maybe I don't need to find another instrument. I should find myself instead; figure out why I came to love the art of music in the first place, instead of constantly refining the rules of the game (only one wind instrument!) that I've only ever enforced on myself. My self rule should be simple: follow your heart; the rest will come– by grace and through love.